At the rail

RMPtangoI wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.

Emily Brontë– July 30, 1818: Reclusive and shy during her life, Emily Brontë achieved widespread fame after her early death at age 30, thanks to the publication of her only novel, Wuthering Heights. She was born in Yorkshire, England, 195 years ago today.(

Good week,

I’m here making my world what it is.

Went out on the town with the other half for dinner at the Storm Club, (ever been?) all dressed up for so little atmosphere…but i made the best of it…next time, my pick…sushi!  20 years + more of endless dating and delay, more than half of my life invested.

Spent the evening putting my energy into the same heat i throw on-line and with my various exploratory male friends. His response was as it should be. I’ve still got it! i wasn’t really wondering..i know i have it, have something.

And here are the snippets i cannot tell my facebook friends or my family…the woman in me must share the mind behind the story…i think just to save my sanity, to let my words document my perceptions so when i’m wavering, wandering, i can re-read them and stand strong…for me, these words are for me…

Good looking, athletic, financially secure and he makes me cum, and whatever else i’m supposed to be attracted to vs. how great it is that i have been with someone else this year and felt that stirring, that dizzy, consuming heat , was sweaty and thirsty after, with our smells muddled together like the cocktail we only wish we could order at the rail when we are wanting…this gives me balance after all these years.

I want it all. I took it all.

I have no regrets…when i wipe his saliva off my face with the back of my wrist after his kiss, when i lock the door to the bedroom when he stretches his arms over head and raises his eyebrows, when I nod and support the same passive aggressive issues about the office, the friend, the family member– different characters, different day….i am no longer fighting the giving of my time and self … i have my words, my mind and body content, have found my peace in all the chaos i create.

I am pleased, pleasured, peaceful…

I am a girl again, hardy, savage and somehow, still free…

#for Reticent Mental Property

Reply to Ret

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s