Going through an unplanned but necessary adjustment to my world shows stark unknown revelations . Perhaps they are similar to those leaving a life behind. Perhaps others carry the same emotional connections to routines into the next chapter?
- The frequent need to clarify my location. Meet me at my place. No, MY place.
- Comfortable digits. I take my rings off at night I find the one I’ve put on my ring finger is still on in the morning but it is no longer a diamond wedding band.
- Loads of laundry are small, infrequent and require quarters
- Time to vote. Haven’t registered in time in the new voting district.
- I didn’t understand how anyone could leave her dog behind.
- Everything adds up. I’m talking dollars, lack of sleep, excuses, time to communicate well, kindness.
- Locks on doors are necessary, checked often, rattle in the night waking me with a panic I thought I left behind.
- 2% of high school sweethearts make it ’til death do us part. People are threatened by my change in status; they feel the loss of the fairytale. I comfort them.
- I waver on my path. I fall down. I cry as much as I laugh. I have defined myself as a wife- his wife. I want to reject him. But I feel empathy not hatred.
- People feel the need to choose sides
- In times when two people are going through a private hell, his family feels taking sides against me is the way to show support.
- I plan to do divorce better than my parents.
- I recognize how often I look over my shoulder.
- Various and sundry items makes a long list.
- Must give credit to friends and loved ones who give me time and more love instead of less.
- It’s ok to be happy, to dance, to feel, to laugh, to believe in the power of one day at a time.
- Nap. Again.
- Buy new lingerie.
It wasn’t the plan she planned and the unplanning inspired extensive patience.
#for Reticent Mental Property. March 27, 2016. Images courtesy of the web.