Throw yourself in. My God. Don’t feel badly for the ones who are free from you.
They need to have more in their life than you. You are not the end all be all. You are not their savior. You are not their grace.
You’re not doing them any favors by hanging there where you do not belong, faking it, like some cubic zirconium doubling as a classic.
Get your head out from under the soles of your shoes and stop walking in, interrupting this life you are not living and start running, sharing all the sweet gives you want to be giving.
There’s no reason to prolong the ache. Have mercy on your partner and stop waffling. Know what you want and move toward it. Please give your shoulder to the weary and your smile to the mirror.