Rock Me Mama

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Out late in the night she sees only neon, the ice in the tumbler, the glisten of olive in gin.

Discussions around her cover all of the flavors of the human condition.

The man in the wife-beater tee salivates at young flesh on the dance floor.

Mundane observations from the bartender about Kapernaek, the weather, the price of milk in July, keeps heads nodding for another, agreement never required,  equal whining for all, defenses fall down to the bottom of the glass.

To the left sits the troupe of bachelorettes, too much skin, too much makeup, sloppy grins. Yet exhuberant dancing,  mischievous antics, ribald jokes about cucumbers and pickles and wood keep all entertained.

Across the room sits the young man with his date. They are new to the night, to each other, small sips from tumblers of sugar-ice liqueurs flit between witty comments, innuendo and the audacity to look into each other’s eyes, deeply, with blatant longing. Someone buys them a shot. Then to cope, a double for himself.

She pulls her focus to the table before her. Across the high top are women from her coming of age. Small town women yes, but the ones who had her back when she didn’t know she needed that. These women kept the best of the rules and made new ones to get them through career launches, predicted setbacks, the raising children on farms or in cities, fun times when some were without any partner at all.  Yesterday’s road parties rise up to the meet them, memories burning, tinged with regret, but burning wild in the part of the head that stores the most bravado of whatever has passed. Bonfires, beer and big hair. Poison, Bon Jovi and REO. The rhythms and beliefs and the words of the past, slip them into easy conversation, women dabbling in tales, forgotten stories, old town lore.

Who’s sleeping with whom? Who left his wife? When did Charlie start drinking at Double D’s? Get the dirt out of the way and get down to the grit. It isn’t about the consumption of fire, it’s all about the slow death of ignorance, innocence, and what we thought we could be.

How’s Macy with chemo? How’s your husband’s farm? Are you still working at Mulligan’s to keep the coverage you need? There are few answers, a hundred simple confessions, the sips in between the happy white lies. Another beer for the rest, a dirty gin gimlet for one, laughter and photos and hugs. Married happily, not married, never marry warnings, too long married; why is the length of time the gold band covers the naked left finger still the equalizer in 2017?

Shots of Fireball make their way from the men sitting at the rail in the front. Damn bartender makes great tips because he knows all the gal’s names and will share. In a circle they loft the amber liquid, stare into each other’s eyes for few, then raise them up with a clink – not even a nod of thanks to the gentlemen – then a tap on the table top for the ones who aren’t there.  The throwback, the set down, the exhale of the heat of the burn and they settle in for another hour of whatever comes out of the mouth. No need for poker faces or tears. The honesty sets in to balance the fears.

She’s the baby in the rock of the cradle, they are the sisters she let set the pace. The steady has fallen this time-  it’s her turn, only fair.

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#for Reticent Mental Property. Images courtesy of the web.

Judge Not

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Why are we told we shouldn’t care about what other people think about what we do when in reality there are things called reputation and integrity?

We do care.

We should care.

Actions display good (or bad) character.

Perhaps we should simply choose to act in ways that demonstrate the way we wish others would deem moral and good.

Or should we?

Who likes to be judged?

Perhaps we should, therefore, engage only in what is judged to be moral and just.

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She has failed. And will pay. 

#for Reticent Mental Property. Images courtesy of the web.

 

 

 

Desired. And not.

STbraceletsChelseaDelucaThere’s a coldness in her eyes, a walk that won’t sway, a melancholy sigh in her step.

She’s a woman of complicated wanting. She’s a woman of the simplest of ways.
She’s been to the ocean and desert; she’s traveled her heart, his, and her time. .

She’s comparing the beds of the others, beds of silk, beds of rest, best of the best.

She’s left all her inhibitions in writing, expecting a challenger to cum out of the fray.

She’s not a woman of answers, she’s excited to answer the call, she seeks what the wild abandon has left wanton and empty for all. She gives far more than expected, she’s sacrificed, sweaty thigh-quaking, to find- no to hold- the holy grail of love making truth.

She’s a mere novice, a tolerant giver. She’s willing to reveal all to You. 

#for Reticent Mental Property

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The Calm

 

Then.

RMPsilence

Now:

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It is not my nature to be so dark and brooding.

I have not been the storm- prefer to be the calm-am known as

the calm.

But my truth is truly tumultuous

at present.

And I have to sit here,

in it

-in the eye-

and find my peace

and my place.

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She was stretching out and grateful;  growing one wing at a time. 
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#for Reticent Mental Property. Images courtesy of the web.

Reblog: Trust

Trust me with parts of you others do not even know exist I will tender you in cosset and spin ugliness above your head wrap you against void and beneath terror, stoke mercy this is my pledge take my arm take a leap of faith stay your wont of emptiness and insular climb from well […]

via Not all patterns are for life — thefeatheredsleep

 

Pondering: Happiness

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What is this search for “happiness?” Why can’t we just let ourselves be open to receiving the best of the moment and be content with what it brings?: Why are we always pushing for more, for better, for clarity, for passion, for THE HAPPY? 

I have a beloved friend battling alcoholism. She has fallen so many times. She is open to learning, does the work in self examination, AA, outpatient treatment, yoga, competitive anything.

She’s got an addictive personality. She may be an empath. She is child like in her ability to laugh with her children. She is love and light (as those in recovery will often say.)

I have learned so much from her. She has been through so much therapy. She has moments of brilliance. She has moments of darkness.

Yesterday, as we sat getting our toes done – less than 24 hours before her entry into a new inpatient alcohol addiction program- we sat and pondered our choices, where we were before, where we are now. Why we thought we were there. Where we thought we were now. And whether there really is a difference in past and present…what is it about the human spirit that sets us on this quest? Why do we seek happiness so desperately. Why not just sit, fingers outstretched, palms turned to the sky and just let ourselves trust and be open to what will be?

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Good luck my beautiful friend. You are going to make it. 

#for Reticent Mental Property. Daily Prompt participant August 11, 2016

 

 

Pondering series: Definitions

RMPwisdomJohnWhiteman

Written in response to a coffee shop conversation and one of those a-ha moments.  The more I talk with people the more I realize very few of us are content. We are all searching for the next thing— constantly trying to find where we are supposed to be, maybe forgetting to live in the moment right then and there and learn whatever we are supposed to learn from that time. 

 

1) a partner should treasure your person, be kind to your heart and mind and fears, and welcome expressions of sexual interest

 

2) a partner should feel confident in expressing his/her fears, needs, opinions, successes and future plans and be allowed to retain ownership of his/her own mental property

 

3) a partner should be a good friend; the friendship should be self-regulating without need for policing, shame or judgement

 

4) a partner should have interests and passions and goals and friendships outside of the main relationship which may or may not include the other;

 

CUT: attention should be paid to ensuring friendships/close business partners be the same gender or interactions should occur in the dynamic of couple to couple when gender is not the same.

 

FOR USE IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH BREECHES of TRUST

a) Recipients who get the time and attention of one of the partners should be fully aware of the relationship status and partners should be confident in saying, “i’m hanging out with so and so today, give them a call and let them know it’s okay with you and that I am loved by you.” In other words, “Please know this is my partner in life, I treasure him/her, respect this public partnership by sticking to the traditional boundaries afforded to it.” 

b)  Maybe a better way to say it is- Hold each other accountable with proclamation of love and the give, the acceptance of the value of interaction with other people, but without jealousy.

 

5) Marriages require attention, investment and flexibility during times of growth and change. Confident partners belie in learning  and exploration in as many areas as possible to allow each to become their fullest and best selves

 

6) Partners should encourage and support expression and exploration of external family and history and dynamics that feel unhealthy or uncomfortable

 

7) Both partners should be joyful, able to demonstrate physical and emotional joy in each others presence and be examples of respect and tolerance to the other and evoke both an ease of conversation and radiate positive energy/spirit when the other is present

 

8) Love ebbs and flows, passion ebbs and flows, but through all of those ups and downs there is a commitment to meeting the emotional needs of a partner even when the physical needs aren’t in sync.

 

9) confrontations and arguments should be avoided, but constructive pauses, with requests for clarification and the belief that the intent of the others comments/actions are rooted in goodness and kindness should occur and should be encouraged.  This should allow diffusion of angry or controlling actions/ moments.

 

10) Creative solutions rather than dumbing down to the lowest common denominator should be explored, pursued and preferred to promote best parenting practices (if raising children together is a factor) .  Beyond child rearing, creative solutions to meet a variety of emotional and physical and mental needs of the partners should be explored and vetted, attempted and implemented without embarrassment or manipulation.

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Know what you want and ask for it. 
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#for Reticent Mental Property.