Seeking Superman – m4w

May I please just fucking kick the shit out of you and then have you hold me and tell me it didn’t hurt at all…oh sorry, those are the kinds of guys i’ve already met on CL.

Are you godlike and capable of telling me that settling is not so frustrating after i hit the age of no return? Great! You’re in. Call me. But not at my house.

How about a response from a guy who mind-fucks with wild abandon and then smoothly sends me home to my married life, feeling no guilt and ready to take on another decade of contentment? Yes, I’m interested in hearing from anyone who can turn back the hands of time.

And do not respond if i have already spent 104 lines of chat fucking on your virtual desk and now you have to go cuz a client is on the way in… and i’ve heard from enough of you who tell me i’m just so unforgettable i should be writing erotica with Ms. James.

Please resist responding if you are the guy who buys me lunch and some lovely lacy underthings and then, despite my decline of dessert , only due to lack of chemistry, is still willing to thank me kindly for teaching you the merits of an intimate relationship and how you are now going to call your x-lover and go back to her and get back into full-blown physical foray including afterglow pillow talk.

And please don’t buy me a coffee, and then accept your caramel macchiatto when you ordered a latte, AND then sit in the wheelchair accessible table and proceed to tell me you are a Dom who knows i need to be spanked and btw, you have a stash of nipple clamps hidden in your house where your girlfriend will not find them.

AND don’t be the guy who claims to be an amazing lover, yet fires not one tongue shot when you have the chance, but still credits me with getting you off your ass and jump starting your new career.

So, what am i looking for on here on CL? I guess i’m looking for whatever i send out, cuz that is what we always get back. Clearly this venue is not for me.

Follow me on over to the local escort service slash massage parlor. Good and happy endings for all, if you can afford my mind and body and are willing to succumb to my refined tastes in male manipulation.

Respond with salacious in the subject heading if you fucking know the definition.

A good vocabulary is never overrated.


#for Reticent Mental Property


A hot man encounters your inner submissive (SoHo)

To most she’s the sweet girl in the diaphanous blue dress. The one who likes cupcakes and cat memes and smells like spring. What they don’t know is a blindfold makes her look inward. To a part of the sweet spring girl they could never understand. Would never seek out. The part that is wrapped tight, like a present. Wanting to be opened. It’s the reason she has the half smile as they watch her walk past. The two parts, existing in the same space, on par with all the other mysteries of the universe.

Do write me. I will not disappoint.

She flinches at the incongruous use of hot and diaphanous in the same ad. She writes,  knowing he will disappoint. 

Naked Dating

Clothing optional drink – m4w

Ladies, would like to have a “Clothing Optional Drink”?

I am not looking for sex, just a little company for a drink.
Your level of attire is completely up to you, formal, casual, or none.
You can bring a girlfriend, sister, you can bring your mother.
As long as everyone is over 21 and you don’t mind having a drink with an “naked” man.

Thus far all my guest have been dressed casual, and no one brought their mother.

I am sane, funny, and maybe a little weird, but in a fun way.
So if your headed out with the girls, stop over for a drink.
I am on (the) beautiful north side and 420 friendly.

This ad is for real.

If interested, put “MillerTime” in the subject line to weed out spam.
I will answer all ads with “MillerTime” in the subject line.

Also include your drink of choice, and I will see what I can do.

She knows he does not have Cognac and clicks on the next listing…

Sexretary Personal Ad

Businessman looking for a temp sexretary… – m4w – 40

I’m a businessman in town, owner of a small firm, who is in need of an amateur, temporary intern to “assist” me from time to time. She must be attractive, sexy, fun…and be willing to enjoy a rigorous (and fun) interview. I’m 40. Just about 5’8″ . Right around 190 lbs. Very dark brown eyes. Buzzed down (way down) black hair. If you’re interested, email me back with at least one but preferably more pictures of yourself, and be sure to tell me the basics (age, attachments, etc.)…and certainly any special skills you might have that would make me pick you. I’m not looking for a one-day position, but someone who is interested in “assisting” from time to time on an ongoing basis. But reply soon, as I have no doubt there will be lots of interest in this internship…
She clearly remembers watching this movie. 
#for Reticent Mental Property