He moves forward,
frayed, weathered, wronged.
The distance is unmeasured by vows.
She looks back,
having unburdened her lack
on unsuspecting blame takers.
She’s not grown alone, she’s pulled someone along,
more than one someone, more than one time.
Perhaps she has climbed on their strong spines
when hers was doubled over, in blindness.
He’s not hers, she lays no claim, she hasn’t let go of her yesterdays. Yet.
#for Reticent Mental Property. Original post, Sept 26, 2016. Revisited and revised August 10, 2017.
one more try
i seek your forgiveness, your graces, your respect.
when I sit at your feet, i feel nothing.
I desire to desire you.
Is that asking too much?
I desire to fix all mistakes, bring back innocence and youth and to repair your shattered heart.
It is not enough. These are not reasons to return.
Return only- i have learned- for that crazy dancing lust enveloping the practical side, that primal urge creating attachments caused by a brain hard wired for carnal pleasures and a need to feel alive.
“Do not return for guilt. Do.not,” lectures the therapist. After 30 years the stories from those lounging in the chaise she recognizes when the truth is heard, when someone listens, when someone, finally, forgives herself and moves forward toward trusting her own head.
for Reticent Mental Property. Images courtesy of the web.
What is this search for “happiness?” Why can’t we just let ourselves be open to receiving the best of the moment and be content with what it brings?: Why are we always pushing for more, for better, for clarity, for passion, for THE HAPPY?
I have a beloved friend battling alcoholism. She has fallen so many times. She is open to learning, does the work in self examination, AA, outpatient treatment, yoga, competitive anything.
She’s got an addictive personality. She may be an empath. She is child like in her ability to laugh with her children. She is love and light (as those in recovery will often say.)
I have learned so much from her. She has been through so much therapy. She has moments of brilliance. She has moments of darkness.
Yesterday, as we sat getting our toes done – less than 24 hours before her entry into a new inpatient alcohol addiction program- we sat and pondered our choices, where we were before, where we are now. Why we thought we were there. Where we thought we were now. And whether there really is a difference in past and present…what is it about the human spirit that sets us on this quest? Why do we seek happiness so desperately. Why not just sit, fingers outstretched, palms turned to the sky and just let ourselves trust and be open to what will be?
Good luck my beautiful friend. You are going to make it.
#for Reticent Mental Property. Daily Prompt participant August 11, 2016